she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
