The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this boner is exhausting
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
