The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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