somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
