we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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