we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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