I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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