Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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