Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The adults are the big ones right?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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