I didn't shave. On purpose
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
