last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
