I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
