You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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