Fuck appropriateness.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
