I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
