i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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