so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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