She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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