remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
