do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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