my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
