so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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