Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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