im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
