bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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