I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
