so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
