They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My feet surprised me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
