The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
