When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
