She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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