How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize