That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
