just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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