i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
