fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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