I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
