yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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