they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
