Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
