Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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