woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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