Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
