My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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