He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
