Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
