The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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