Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My liver just had a heart attack.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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