One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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