There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
