So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
