Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
