but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
