she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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