why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
