Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
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I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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