you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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