i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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