this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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