I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
