five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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