So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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