Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh god the rape fog is back!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
