either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
