I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
